Yeah I'm going to talk about flatulation today (I used a big fancy word for gas! I'm rather proud of myself) If you don't know the definition of flatuation here ya go:
According to Merrium webster Dictionary Flatulence is:flatus expelled through the anus.
Which is a fancy way of saying you just farted.
So if you don't want to hear about farts, I'd go to another post if I were you.
Anyway here's my story of how my final test in Personality Theory went....
I've been studying for this test all day (when I say all day it really means that I just cracked open the book for the first time ever and started to look over it an hour before class started.) Well, I knew that I was going to do a crappy job on this test, so of course I was feeling a little anxious. As time went on I started to feel a little more anxiety because while I was reading the book I was thinking "Who the heck wrote this? Socrates?! This is totally in another language!" Then I decided to look over the syllabus and see how much this test is worth. Apparently if I fail, it would bring my grade down from an A to a C- (yeah ridiculous, I know.) So that adds on to more anxiety. Well apparently today my body said "Hey wouldn't it be funny if I gave Megan REALLY bad gas today just before her final?" Apparently it answered itself and said "Heck yes!!! Let's do it!!!"
Now I enter the classroom and sit smack dab in the middle of the room. This room was packed, apparently some of the Saturday students decided to take the final on this day too. My stomach starts rumbling, not a good sign. And when I say rumbling I mean it sounds like the Santa Ana earthquake just went off and dropped California into the ocean. So no doubt, everyone can hear it. The test is handed out. Now this is when my body decides to have a little fun with me.
Since I'm taking a test I'm not allowed to leave (Seriously, why is it that when these type of situations happen it's usually when you can't leave the place?) So I have to hold it in (I don't want to be the guy with the really bad gas during the test) and also I don't know how bad it's going to smell or if it's going to be a squeaky one, or an earthquake causing one. This is a little more complex than it sounds, because now I have to concentrate on my test questions like "What are all of Freud's psychosexual stages and give an example of each one while you jump around and scratch your left foot" while holding in a fart. Yeah this isn't going to go so well, because you need full concentration to do both, and you can't have full concentration if you have to do two things at once. So this is what I looked like while holding in a fart: Eye's squeezed shut, hands in a fist, twisted look on my face, butt clenched, body tense, and body starting to spasm out. I hold this pose for at least a minute, or what really seems like an eternity, and it doesn't work... It was a bad one. A skunk would have been proud of me. My poor fellow classmates never saw it coming. Nobody even had a chance to escape. I could have warned them, but then they'd know that it was me (well I can't have that happen). Luckily they were silent farts so maybe, just maybe they wouldn't know it was me, even though you can still hear my stomach rumbling away. (Maybe they'll just think I'm really hungry).
After this I try my best to hurry up the test but the stupid teacher decided to throw in some short essay questions (of course). So it turns out that I'm doing this for just about an hour. By the end I think my fellow classmates ended up burning their clothes because the stench wouldn't come out. So I finish and I turn in my test. See now here is the best part. I hate my teacher, she's an idiot. I mean class was dreadful and I am sooooo glad it is over with. So after I turn in my test to my teacher, I just decided "Why the heck not?!" And I let out the worst fart you have ever smelt in your life, right next to her and I ran out the door. It was a proud moment for me.
I love how I post things like this on my blog. Talking to a computer, totally awkward, but telling people about my bodily functions, totally okay. (That was sarcastic and I'm kind of rolling my eyes). :)
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