My pet peeves in life

OH my gosh so I just have to start off by saying OUCH!!! I think I just got the flu shot from Hell! It hurts so bad I just want to chop off my arm. This is the reason why God gave us two arms, so when we get the flu shot from Hell we can just chop it off and have an extra for spare. You all might think I'm exaggerating, but not even labor and delivery hurt this bad! OK so that might be an exaggeration, but dude this is killing my soul! Okay now that I have that out of my system here is my real post:

So I've been in my typical Bipolar depressive stage and during this depressive episode I have found out that I tend to notice my pet peeves a lot more than I do in all of my other stages.  I think it's because I get more easily pissed off during this stage :) So here is my list of pet peeves so you know what NOT to do around me when I'm in a bad mood. I probably shouldn't post this because I know that most of my family and close friends will use this list as a "Hey! I'm going to do these things around you every day" list. If this happens to be the case I will write a blog about you and draw a stick figure being electrocuted by lightning. Just sayin'. ;)

1) Peeing. Seriously, this one drives me nuts because it requires me to have to take time out of my day just to pee. Especially if it's at night and it interrupts my sleep! Oh and the worst is peeing in the outdoors! Boys you have it easy, but us girls have to work at it. I'm still traumatized from my fifth grade adventure at Big Springs. We were on a 5 mile hike and half way back I really REALLY had to pee. So off to the forest I went. I got ready and squatted and did natures duty. I totally forgot that I had my jacket tied around my waist! I peed all over my jacket! The worst part was, I had to carry it for another 2-3 miles down the mountain with all of my friends laughing at me. Traumatization right there! Peeing sucks.

2) Breathing. Anyone with allergies or asthma knows this feeling, and I have both


3) When people chew with their mouths open. Seriously, ewe, gross.

4) When the teacher tells the class the answer first then asks the question and is baffled when no one responds. Really? You just told us the answer do you not remember?!

5) When people stop at a yellow light. Just run it. You don't realize that while your doing 25 and are debating about stopping you have me behind you going 80 thinking "Yes!!! I'm going to make it, the light God's love me!!!" Then when you stop I crap my pants because I'm thinking "Crap! I haven't installed my turbo breaks yet, I can't stop at this speed!!!"


6) When people go below the speed limit. Really?

7) When people go the speed limit. Really? The only reason to go the speed limit is to let others know that there is an officer nearby. That's called the courtesy rule. Other than that people should always go 5 over...let's make that 10 over.

8) When some one is handing out free coke and when I get up to the front of the line it's gone! This has happened way more times than it should have.


9) When I'm talking to someone and they are not looking at me or even worse they are texting while I'm talking to them. Don't make me take that phone away and throw it out the window. 

10) Buttoning and unbuttoning my pants. What ever happened to the snap buttons?!

11) When someone says they can't do something with you because they are very busy but then when you read their Facebook post it clearly states other wise. Honestly, if you say you can't hang out because you're sick don't post pictures of you drinking at a club that night. (This has never happened to me of course, but it has to some of my friends)


12) When a teacher docks me one point and doesn't tell me why! OR EVEN WORSE...My teacher told us to come up with a narrow question for a research proposal. I came up with a perfect narrow question, and she docked me one point for being too narrow. WHAT THE...???!!!! REALLY??!!! 

13) While playing Candy Crush it runs out of moves and has to automatically reshuffle but it uses one of MY moves! It's the one that's out of moves, it should give me a free move! Yeah, yeah I know this is a petty one but it still gets under my skin.


14) Needing the super glue but the lid is super glued shut!

This will by my parent's dog, Jazzy, soon if she doesn't stop pooping in my house.

15) Tying my shoes. My favorite shoes ever were plaid with zippers. Sigh. I miss those shoes, but apparently I killed their souls...literally their soles fell off, I wanted to cry.

16) Getting flu shots that make you think you are dying and that you are never going to be able to use your arm ever again!


You have now been warned. ;)

You know you're a mom of a 2 year old when...

I have a little terrorist that lives in my house who I legally cannot turn over to the government because she is 2 years old. By having this 2 year old terrorist I have earned the title "Mom" Short for "Life as you know it has changed forever, and you have no hope to change it because this precious terrorist now owns you and you must obey every command this child gives you."

The other day I was walking to work and I kept thinking "Oh my gosh my purse is so heavy it feels like someone put bricks in it!" Apparently Kiara decided that my purse was now a great place for a rock collection. I pulled out two handfuls of rocks. This is when it occurred to me that I am now a Mom (it took me 2.5 years to realize it but it's finally caught up) So here are some hints to know that you are now officially a mom.

1) You can't remember the last time you had a good nights sleep 

2) You go to work and when your boss asks you for the keys to the classroom you are pulling out Diapers, wipes, toy cars, baby lotion, bouncy balls, rocks, etc. but no keys because your two year old daughter decided that she needed to steal them to lock every door in the house and use those particular keys because mommy never lets her touch them. (Side note: Let me tell you how utterly annoying it is when you get home and you have to pee so badly and you finally unlock your front door, which apparently takes ten minutes because you are shaking and bouncing so hard, and run to the bathroom only to find out that every freaking bathroom door in the house is locked because your kiddo decided to play lock up. Yeah NOT a good day!)

3) You get home from work and your husband points out that you had a wipe stuck to your butt and you cannot figure out the physics of how the heck it stayed on so long. 

4) You are cleaning up and you find crayons all over the floor, in the tupperware drawer, in the laundry basket, in your underwear drawer, and in the dish washer.

5) Your purse has grown at least 10x's in size 

6) You have cereal or oatmeal in your hair

7) Your house only gets clean 10 minutes before company shows up, other than that it looks like a tornado ran through it after the hurricane hit it. 

8) You wake up and you realize that the thing that was poking you all night was a plastic toy car, a teddy bear, a wooden block, and your child's favorite baby doll that looks like Chucky

9) You now eat candy bars, ice cream, and Twinkies in secrecy because you don't want to share

10) You have now adopted all of your mom sayings that you swore that you would NEVER say in your life like "Because I said so." or "I have told you once I have told you a thousand times."

11) You have said things before that you thought you would never have to tell another human being such as "Stop licking the electrical sockets." Check out this other post for those sayings: Things I thought I'd never have to tell another human being

12) You don't remember the last time you went to the movies

13) You have had to clean poop off the walls, the bed, clothing, the tub, and out of your hair. (The hair is the worst because you smell it all day long!)

14) You can say all the nice things you want, but the second you swear you now have a two year old following you around repeating that cuss word every 5 seconds.

15) You have shown up to night school smelling of carpet cleaner and Top Roman. (This one happened today)

I think it's fair to say that some of these things might hint that you have a child. If you find out that you are experiencing these things and you do not have a 2 foot terrorist living with you, you might want to get checked out by a doctor. Just sayin'. ;)

There needs to be a warning sign when sending a text message!

I have officially decided that when texting someone there should be a warning that pops up that says "Do you really want to send this" Then when you automatically hit yes without thinking (because I know I'll do this) another pop up says "You realize you're sending this to the wrong person and you'll embarrass yourself for the rest of your life and you'll never be able to look this person in the eye ever again. Do you still want me to send this?" Same thing should be done with emails.

I say this because this has happened all to often in my life. I don't even have an Iphone, I have the most basic down to earth only texting and calling phone. You know those phones. The ones that have theft protection because you're not afraid to huck it at the bad guy cause you know you're phone wont break.

Just this week I was texting my friend because I was going to break a social norm for a psychology class and go to a mall in Utah County, (I could have done anywhere but I didn't feel like driving too far) dress as a pregnant woman and ask people to light my cigarette (of course if they say yes I'd tell them no, because I don't smoke and mostly do you know how freaking expensive cigarettes are?!!! Holy crap I'd have to take out a loan to just get a carton of those things! So I am not about to actually light that sucker, I'd put the thing on display just to say "at one time I could afford one of these.") But off to the side I'd have a beer bottle (well it was actually a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag to give the illusion it was beer) and I'd have my little girl next to me in her stroller. I thought this was a great project and I would get a good reaction out of the people next to me. So I was rushing out the door while texting my friend and I sent this text:

"Sounds great! You get the cigarettes and I'll grab the beer. Which day will work better for you? Saturday or Sunday? I don't want to do it today cause it's raining and cold :)"

Well previously I had texted my therapist earlier that day and apparently my thumb decided that while I wasn't paying much attention to my texting it would slide one conversation over and send this particular text to my therapist. Yeah. I know. I didn't even realize that I had sent it to him until an hour later when I realized that my friend hadn't texted back and I checked my phone to make certain that my message went through. Imagine my surprise while I'm looking through my sent messages to her and I cannot find it. I knew I typed it up and sent it. So just for funsies I looked at the next person over and then I saw it. So I thought "Well at least I'm not crazy and I knew I sent it." But then I saw who I sent it to and my first thought was "Oh great! The dude already knows I'm a nut case now he's gonna think I'm an alcoholic smoker too! Seriously! Out of all the people in my contact list, I sent this one to my therapist?!" Then my second thought was "Thank heavens it was only about beer and cigarettes it could have been so much worse!" (you all know what I mean when I say "worse" it could have said "Oh my gosh the people sitting next to me are arguing so loudly I want to scream "Shut up!" but then Chris said there's nobody sitting next to me!" Dun dun dun! Back to the loony bin I go! ;))

Oh FYI I never did do that project because someone, not saying who, **Cough cough Chris!* objected to it so you can blame this someone for not having that awesome story posted on here. (wow I never knew I could cyber cough like that and have the random name Chris accidentally pop out of my cyber mouth!:) )

Now that was just my recent one. There have been so many other ones where it went to the wrong person. Let me tell ya sending "Hey there sexy" to your dad can be pretty traumatizing when he goes along with it to mess with your mind because he knows it was meant for your husband. So I really need to have a message that pops up that says "Hey, you're doing something stupid because you're not paying attention. How can you be texting and not be paying attention?! I'm not even a smart phone and I'm smarter than you! Seriously, how did you get the position of being human and I got stuck being an electronic phone that secretly controls your life?"