My frist day bak two colladge...I so samrt!!!!

So school has started. I should be excited that I finally have a reason to write my research papers rather than doing them for fun, this way I don't look like a weirdy.  Yes, I'm a nerd and I love doing research papers on a lot of things.

Now, my college friends have you ever found yourself in a situation where you enter a class and have this conversation inside your head:

-Alright this class is going to be awesome!! First class of the day!!
-I'm so excited I even have my new 17 cent note book I bought from Walmart!
*teacher comes in and starts talking*
-Wow this class is going to be so fun, I love this teacher!
-I am going to get an awesome grade! I'm thinking an A grade! No more C student! I'm going for a 4.0 this semester!
*teacher pulls out the syllabus*
-Wait a minute I thought I was in social psychology, not Social Family and Legal Policy!
-Legal policies?! I'm lucky to even know what a Democrat is...I know it's some sort of donkey...And the other one...isn't that an elephant...?
*Teacher says "I assume you all have already read chapter one in the book*
-I don't even have the book!
-I am so screwed!
*teacher continues talking*
-What is he even saying? Policy makers? What's that? Interview a policy maker?! Is that even a profession?!
*starting to sweat a little*
-Vita? What is a Vita? Am I in a Latin class?!!!
-NCRF? What does that mean?! Nerds Crisis Reference Forum?! I sure hope it's a good forum because this is a major crisis, I don't even know what he's saying!!!
-OK Megs deep breath, deep breath...Oh no I can't breathe! I'm dying! I'm dying right here in the class room!!
-Should I ask questions like "Hey teach! What the heck are you talking about?!"
-Nah I'll just wait for another student to raise their hands. I can't be the only student who doesn't get this.
* I look around and students are nodding their heads in agreement with stone faces, some cracking a little bit of a smile*
-Do they actually understand what he is saying?!
-I am in way over my head. I need to transfer out of this class! OH no I can't! It's required, and I have financial aid!!! (yeah I'm a poor person but hey free money is free money yo!)
-Hey this pen is freaking awesome! I love how smooth it is!
-Is that an old school TV?!
-I'm so glad I brought my blue pen :) I like blue pens, but red is my favorite...except I do like that black one at work. Yeah I should trade my blue pen for that black pen at work. I'll do that tomorrow.
*teacher says something about something due next time*
-Wait...what was that? Sorry I was concentrating on my pen which is totally awesome!
*Me leaning over to see what my colleague is writing to see what the assignment is*
*Student scoots further away from me...probably because I was two inches from his head starring at his notebook*
*Two hours later*
-I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class.
*My syllabus is covered with doodles and the assignment grade list already filled out with 0% and F's all the way down*
*time to leave*
*Students get up to leave and they start conversing and saying "Did you understand a thing he said?!" "No!"*
-Wait a minute, why the heck didn't you guys raise your hands?!!! Stupid heads.

-Next Class-
*Teacher comes in looking like Professor Trawleny from Harry Potter*

-You're a bit of a fruit loop aren't you?
* Teacher says "Some say you are all empty vessels and I'm the one who needs to fill your vessels. I believe that you students need to teach me"*
-You're sounding like a fruit loop...
*"We're going to play a get to know you game with yarn"*
-Yup you're a fruit loop
*Playing the get to know you game and throwing yarn to those who have correlations to the person making a huge colorful web*
*Teacher says something smart about research and makes it understandable for us stupid kids with empty vessels*
*Class ends*
-Wow she was the best fruit loop I have ever met! Love this loony teacher!

-Next class-
*Teacher walks in*
-Dang! He is good looking! (that's all I thought about during the whole class period) ***Ok kidding!...But he was good looking***
*Teacher starts to take roll*
*Megan Sveeden*
-Svedin you moron Svadean!!! Although in all reality I said "I prefer to be called Jamal" Totally threw the teacher off track it was excellent. (I tend to get pretty smart with my teachers but I can't really tell you what I said because mainly I don't remember the things I say but the class laughs...Yeah I'm funny...(blowing on my knuckles and rubbing them against my shirt))
-I am so hungry I could eat a horse!
-I wonder what a horse tastes like. Chris had horse when he went to Italy for his mission. I think he told me about what it tasted like...wait, did he eat horse on his mission or did he say people in Italy ate horse while he was on his mission?...I can't remember! Oh no if I can't remember then Chris will think that I don't pay attention to our conversations and he'll want a divorce because I can't remember if he ate horse or not!!!
-My head is killing me!
-How much longer in this class...
-What I've only been here for 30 minutes???!!! That clock has to be wrong!!! I'm going to explode if I don't get out of here!!!
*Teacher, reading my mind, asks "Do you guys want a break or do you want to get out 10 minutes early?*
-Break, break, break!!!
*Unanimously the class says "get out early"*
-Stupid! I curse you all!!!! I curse you all to the south pole so you can get eaten by those evil south pole elves!!!
*The class goes on...and on....and on....and on...*
*My head is getting closer to the desk and snapping up every 3 minutes, my eyes are getting heavy and my body seems to be drifting off to some place in the beyond*
*Teacher says "Megan what is your opinion about this?*
*Head snaps up*
-Really on the first day of class??!!!!
-Ummmm.....Crap what were we talking about?!!!
-Wait when did he pull up the power point?! I thought we were still talking about the syllabus?!
*Hurry and skim through the slide*
-"Oh I totally agree with this"
*Teacher asks "Why?"*
-Seriously.
-Ummm....because he's old and old people are always right...?
-"Because...(blah blah blah some psych crap you guys really don't want to hear, but it sounded smart)
*Girl behind me whispers "Wow I totally agree with that, that was really profound"*
-Wow not going to be in that girl's group if she agrees with that BS
*Teacher looks at me with that "uh huh. You aren't going to pass this class are you?" face*
*Class ends and I book it out of there!*

Freedom at last!!!....At least until next week.

That my friends was my first day back to college. Wow I just re-read that and if you got all the way through that I should give you a treat!  OK....I'm not really going to give you a treat but I will say "good on ya mate!" Even though I'm not Australian I'm still gonna say it.

My OCD Moments

I have OCD tendencies and cleaning is one of them. I mean I literally comb my carpets with a pick and comb up whatever the vacuum didn't get, then re-vacuum and re-comb, and then I clean down to the P traps under the sinks with a toothbrush. This is my kind of OCD, and if you bother me during this episode I will bite off your head and there is a possibility that I might kill you if you try to make contact with me, just ask Chris. 

So here is my dilemma, I have a two year old. Have you ever had OCD and live with a two year old? Yeah it doesn't work.  I love my child, but when I'm going through a cleaning OCD moment she becomes my worst nightmare. I can clean until my fingers bleed, but the second I leave that spot, and Kiara comes waltzing in, it looks like I never even touched it.  You can imagine how upsetting this can be. I don't ground her or get upset I just suck it up and re-clean from the beginning, I mean she's two she doesn't understand and mistakes happen. She spills milk on my hand washed floor I start all over again and clean the whole floor, again. I have to admit it's a good thing she's cute because ugly babies wouldn't get away with this. I'm just sayin'. 

Now that I have told you how I respond to my two year old, let me tell you how I respond to my husband. He is lucky to still be alive.  I love him dearly, but while I'm on this mood, if he is in the same room as me and I can hear him breathing I snap and become an evil black fire barring monster.

Scary huh? This is literally me, no exaggeration

Let me tell you a story:

I had a bad day, and I felt my OCD phase coming. It was about 4 PM. I start cleaning the kitchen, I clean every crevasse I could find, I scrubbed the floor with a toothbrush, I took that toothbrush to my baseboards, I cleaned the P traps under the sink, I even cleaned the garbage can. I cleaned the living room down to the baseboards, I vacuumed twice after I combed the floors, I vacuumed the vacuum, I cleaned under the couches that don't have legs on them so really it's impossible for them to get anything under them, but I did it. It became 9:30 PM, I was still cleaning. I was finally able to calm down enough to go for a run.  The run was amazing. Having that cold air rush against my face and the exhilaration of the run and the energy flowing through me was a breath taking feeling (literally breath taking, I forgot my inhaler so I was wheezing the whole way).  But after my run I was feeling better. I still had the feeling and the urge to clean but it wasn't over powering.  After a 30 minute run I stop and walk for a bit. I'm about 3 minutes from home when my husband calls me and this is our conversation:

Chris: Hon, how far are you from home?

Me: I'll be there in about 3 minutes

Chris: Oh...I sort of made a mess

Me: What do you mean sort of? (I feel some anxiety boiling inside me)

Chris: Can you stay outside for a while?

Me: Why? (boiling anxiety getting a little bigger)

Chris: Because I need to put this back together.

Me:  Put what back together?

Chris: The entertainment center...

Me: WHY DID YOU TEAR APART THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER????

Chris: I wanted to get our internet connection to go faster.

Me: So you tore apart our entire entertainment center?

Chris: Yeah...

Me: *thinking* I am going to kill you, I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill you.

Chris: Don't worry it wont take long to put it back together, I can do it, just stay outside for a moment.

I stay outside, but I could only stay outside for so long because I just had to see what he did. This is what I find and mind you, it took me 5 and a half hours to clean this and it took him 30 minutes to do this:

I texted my therapist and said "You just might become my divorce counselor"
Unfortunately, you can't see all of the books and drawers that are on the couches and against the walls.

Apparently, Chris found out that our internet speed went up from 15 to 50 megabytes and we were only getting 30, so he decided to reset it.  Well, he ended up dropping the cord behind the entertainment center that is mounted to our wall. He thought that he had to move the entertainment center from the wall to get the cord. He realized it was too heavy for him to move so he emptied out all of the drawers and books and such things to see if he could move it, but nothing worked. After he finished telling me this story I told him "Babe all you needed to do was take down the TV and grab the cord out of that HUGE hole that the TV is covering up." Then he says "See I knew if you were here you'd know what to do!!" I say "Then why didn't you wait?!" He said "Because I wanted the internet to go faster now."

I really I do love him. I actually couldn't help but laugh when I saw the scene. I think that I was more in shock than anything, and a little delirious from my breath taking run. ;)

And I thought the two year old was bad ;) :)

Totally Unmotivated

Me at work

Me at home

Me writing my blog

This is me today....and every other day...and every other day between those other other days. So pretty much everyday. I blame the motivation vacuum sucker outer thing. I'm supposed to be doing things but I just don't want to! Every things seems like such a hassle from tying my shoes (this is why I bought shoes without shoe laces) to well...everything else. I have been so lazy that I have become grateful that I have a two year old...well except for those times when I'm not paying attention and she wreaks havoc all over and turns into a miniature green Godzilla. Yes, she turns green...or maybe she was just wearing a green shirt that day and I'm exaggerating...nah...I never exaggerate. She was totally green. Anyway I have been putting my little girl to work. :) I didn't go through those nine months for nothin'. I now have a legal personal slave and I am going to use it to my advantage! She now does the dishes, sweeps, dusts, and finds me the remotes so I don't have to get off the couch.  (Notice, I didn't say she did any of these very well but she did them better than I did at the moment ;) ) Anyway this is just a blog that brags about my awesome two year old slave (who I love very dearly of course) and expressing my laziness over the internet so you guys all know that I really don't do anything at all except for sit on my butt playing candy crush and eat Twinkies all day long!
Wow aren't you glad you read this blog ;) heee heee heee

MY DAY IS RUINED!!!!!! RUINED I SAY!!!!

Oh my gosh this is the worst day of my life!!!!!

So I get to work on time and I'm efficient and getting everything done when I remember "Oh my gosh! I have a twinkie in my desk!!!" Then I think "No, Megan, you shouldn't have a twinkie so early in the morning it's 8 AM it will look gross to everyone that you are having a Twinkie for breakfast! So you wait. You know you will want it later and you will want it so much more than you want it now, and it will taste so delicious and delectable that you will devour it and savor it with so much love and cherish that moment forever!"

I take my twinkies very, VERY seriously. So seriously that I found out that my husband doesn't like the full twinkie and I nearly divorced him right then and there. You do not diss the twinkie. It is perfect and fabulous the way it is! The day they got rid of them I literally cried, and when I heard they were bringing it back I was so happy you'd thought I'd won the lottery, and the day they actually came out I practically bought half the aisle. If I could marry a twinkie I would, though I would eat it and it's family at the reception and I'd be charged with murder of my spouse but it would be worth it.

So now that you know my love for twinkies you can only imagine my reaction when 9 AM came around and I said "ALRIGHT IT IS TIME YO!!! That twinkie is going down! I am going to eat this piece of heaven and love every second and every bite that I have with it!"  I open my drawer and what do I find NOTHING!!!! IT WAS GONE!!!!!!! I literally tore my desk apart and rummaged through every where I could think of.  I tore my work apart!!! My boss came out and was wondering what the ruckus was and I was almost in tears. She thought someone had died or something, and when I told her about the twinkie she just kind of stared at me and didn't know if she should console me or laugh. I think I would have quit if she laughed. But I am in so much distress at this moment that I am dying inside.DYING!!! It is only 9 AM and my day is already ruined. Thank heavens I have a Coke. Best thing in life is a Twinkie and a Coke. Nothing makes a day better than that combination, unless you have sour patch kids with the combo then it's like a supernova that went inside your stomach and it brings the tinglyness and everything seems so warm and happy and it's like your soul has become translated into an ever being person and God has personally touched it.  Best. Thing. Ever. It makes your life complete.

Yeah I'm going to have diabetes by the time I'm 25 but it is going to be worth it.  When I'm on dialysis, I am going to still be eating a twinkie and while the doctor is trying to rip it out of my hands I am going to tell him to shove it and deal with it! I am dying a happy person!