Now, my college friends have you ever found yourself in a situation where you enter a class and have this conversation inside your head:
-Alright this class is going to be awesome!! First class of the day!!
-I'm so excited I even have my new 17 cent note book I bought from Walmart!
*teacher comes in and starts talking*
-Wow this class is going to be so fun, I love this teacher!
-I am going to get an awesome grade! I'm thinking an A grade! No more C student! I'm going for a 4.0 this semester!
*teacher pulls out the syllabus*
-Wait a minute I thought I was in social psychology, not Social Family and Legal Policy!
-Legal policies?! I'm lucky to even know what a Democrat is...I know it's some sort of donkey...And the other one...isn't that an elephant...?
*Teacher says "I assume you all have already read chapter one in the book*
-I don't even have the book!
-I am so screwed!
*teacher continues talking*
-What is he even saying? Policy makers? What's that? Interview a policy maker?! Is that even a profession?!
*starting to sweat a little*
-Vita? What is a Vita? Am I in a Latin class?!!!
-NCRF? What does that mean?! Nerds Crisis Reference Forum?! I sure hope it's a good forum because this is a major crisis, I don't even know what he's saying!!!
-OK Megs deep breath, deep breath...Oh no I can't breathe! I'm dying! I'm dying right here in the class room!!
-Should I ask questions like "Hey teach! What the heck are you talking about?!"
-Nah I'll just wait for another student to raise their hands. I can't be the only student who doesn't get this.
* I look around and students are nodding their heads in agreement with stone faces, some cracking a little bit of a smile*
-Do they actually understand what he is saying?!
-I am in way over my head. I need to transfer out of this class! OH no I can't! It's required, and I have financial aid!!! (yeah I'm a poor person but hey free money is free money yo!)
-Hey this pen is freaking awesome! I love how smooth it is!
-Is that an old school TV?!
-I'm so glad I brought my blue pen :) I like blue pens, but red is my favorite...except I do like that black one at work. Yeah I should trade my blue pen for that black pen at work. I'll do that tomorrow.
*teacher says something about something due next time*
-Wait...what was that? Sorry I was concentrating on my pen which is totally awesome!
*Me leaning over to see what my colleague is writing to see what the assignment is*
*Student scoots further away from me...probably because I was two inches from his head starring at his notebook*
*Two hours later*
-I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class.
*My syllabus is covered with doodles and the assignment grade list already filled out with 0% and F's all the way down*
*time to leave*
*Students get up to leave and they start conversing and saying "Did you understand a thing he said?!" "No!"*
-Wait a minute, why the heck didn't you guys raise your hands?!!! Stupid heads.
-Next Class-
*Teacher comes in looking like Professor Trawleny from Harry Potter*
-You're a bit of a fruit loop aren't you?
* Teacher says "Some say you are all empty vessels and I'm the one who needs to fill your vessels. I believe that you students need to teach me"*
-You're sounding like a fruit loop...
*"We're going to play a get to know you game with yarn"*
-Yup you're a fruit loop
*Playing the get to know you game and throwing yarn to those who have correlations to the person making a huge colorful web*
*Teacher says something smart about research and makes it understandable for us stupid kids with empty vessels*
*Class ends*
-Wow she was the best fruit loop I have ever met! Love this loony teacher!
-Next class-
*Teacher walks in*
-Dang! He is good looking! (that's all I thought about during the whole class period) ***Ok kidding!...But he was good looking***
*Teacher starts to take roll*
*Megan Sveeden*
-Svedin you moron Svadean!!! Although in all reality I said "I prefer to be called Jamal" Totally threw the teacher off track it was excellent. (I tend to get pretty smart with my teachers but I can't really tell you what I said because mainly I don't remember the things I say but the class laughs...Yeah I'm funny...(blowing on my knuckles and rubbing them against my shirt))
-I am so hungry I could eat a horse!
-I wonder what a horse tastes like. Chris had horse when he went to Italy for his mission. I think he told me about what it tasted like...wait, did he eat horse on his mission or did he say people in Italy ate horse while he was on his mission?...I can't remember! Oh no if I can't remember then Chris will think that I don't pay attention to our conversations and he'll want a divorce because I can't remember if he ate horse or not!!!
-My head is killing me!
-How much longer in this class...
-What I've only been here for 30 minutes???!!! That clock has to be wrong!!! I'm going to explode if I don't get out of here!!!
*Teacher, reading my mind, asks "Do you guys want a break or do you want to get out 10 minutes early?*
-Break, break, break!!!
*Unanimously the class says "get out early"*
-Stupid! I curse you all!!!! I curse you all to the south pole so you can get eaten by those evil south pole elves!!!
*The class goes on...and on....and on....and on...*
*My head is getting closer to the desk and snapping up every 3 minutes, my eyes are getting heavy and my body seems to be drifting off to some place in the beyond*
*Teacher says "Megan what is your opinion about this?*
*Head snaps up*
-Really on the first day of class??!!!!
-Ummmm.....Crap what were we talking about?!!!
-Wait when did he pull up the power point?! I thought we were still talking about the syllabus?!
*Hurry and skim through the slide*
-"Oh I totally agree with this"
*Teacher asks "Why?"*
-Seriously.
-Ummm....because he's old and old people are always right...?
-"Because...(blah blah blah some psych crap you guys really don't want to hear, but it sounded smart)
*Girl behind me whispers "Wow I totally agree with that, that was really profound"*
-Wow not going to be in that girl's group if she agrees with that BS
*Teacher looks at me with that "uh huh. You aren't going to pass this class are you?" face*
*Class ends and I book it out of there!*
Freedom at last!!!....At least until next week.
That my friends was my first day back to college. Wow I just re-read that and if you got all the way through that I should give you a treat! OK....I'm not really going to give you a treat but I will say "good on ya mate!" Even though I'm not Australian I'm still gonna say it.
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