The Nastiest Smell You Will Ever Smell!

Today was the day. It has been a long and smelly journey this last month. It first started when the shower drain wouldn't do it's job and drink up all that soapy water. At first I thought "Eh, no big deal. The drain is clogged, but it's slowly letting water down so it can't be that bad. I'll fix it in a few days." Well...I was not really that ambitious last week. I mean come on, watch Suits or unclog a drain...duh...Suits all the way yo! That Harvey Specter and Mike Ross thing is a heck yes every time.

So a few days rolls by and a dreadful smell started to protrude from the drain. It smelt like a decaying corpse. My thoughts "Eh, it's not that bad...I can still shower and not wreak of this decaying smell. I mean if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger...right?" I'm saying this as I am swaying back and forth trying not to pass out.

A few more days go by, and now our toilet sounds like a zombie is about to pop out of it and eat us alive. I literally would not pee in the middle of the night because of this zombie....and I really didn't want it to wake up the 3 year old just down the hall.

 But Chris seized every opportunity to say hi to the zombie at 3 AM.
 

So today was Sunday. It has now been about 2 1/2 weeks and I cannot take it any longer. By now the smell is so bad that when I took my nap I was literally choking on it's stench. I nearly died today. So I got my nerve and went to my daddy. He showed me where the auger was....well played dad...well played ;)

I get home and I unscrew the drain top and suddenly the smell of death hit me like a tornado propelled ninja turtle that was on fire! All I could think of was "OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO DIE RIGHT HERE IN THE SHOWER!!!" I began praying to God for mercy. My body began convulsing and I was on the verge of puking up everything I've eaten since I was two years old.  But I was NOT going to give up. I got the auger in place and started to push it down. Suddenly I was fighting for my life! It was as though a vortex was trying to suck in the auger and would not release it! I was pulling as hard as I could when finally something became loose and I found this:

Ok this isn't the actual picture because Chris wouldn't let me use his phone to take the picture of the thing because  he was afraid that the smell would vaporize his phone...Which was most likely true.

I think this is what it used to be...

I thought I got all of it, but figured I should run the auger down again, just in case. I will forever have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the rest of my life. I could literally feel the monster pulling back. Suddenly I thought " Oh my gosh! I think I woke up the zombie! It's coming to eat me!" I tried my best to pull the auger back up, but it wouldn't come! Time was running out, I had to get the auger out, but it was sucking me into the drain! I know people can be sucked down tiny holes. I saw that movie Space Jam, and how Michael Jordan got sucked down by Bugs Bunny. Only this time it was zombie bugs bunny that was going to get me!

Poor unsuspecting Michael. He's gonna get sucked down that golf hole.

Finally I pulled with all of my strength and this is what came out:

No joke (ok a little joking). Yeah I'd be a little pissed off if I just came out of a drain too, but at least it explains the rat I pulled out first.

Next time Chris gets stuck on drain duty, but before he does, I'm going to make certain he gets life insurance first. The smell was so bad I think I am going to have to burn the clothes I was wearing, and maybe burn down my house because the smell is trapped in the walls. At least it wasn't my auger that I was using...You should have seen the nasty on that thing after I cleaned off the cat...Thanks dad for letting me use it!! :D

By the end of cleaning out my drain there was so much hair that it filled the bottom of the garbage bag and was about 5 inches high up in the garbage bag. EWE. That's all I can say.