You know you're a mom of a 2 year old when...

I have a little terrorist that lives in my house who I legally cannot turn over to the government because she is 2 years old. By having this 2 year old terrorist I have earned the title "Mom" Short for "Life as you know it has changed forever, and you have no hope to change it because this precious terrorist now owns you and you must obey every command this child gives you."

The other day I was walking to work and I kept thinking "Oh my gosh my purse is so heavy it feels like someone put bricks in it!" Apparently Kiara decided that my purse was now a great place for a rock collection. I pulled out two handfuls of rocks. This is when it occurred to me that I am now a Mom (it took me 2.5 years to realize it but it's finally caught up) So here are some hints to know that you are now officially a mom.

1) You can't remember the last time you had a good nights sleep 

2) You go to work and when your boss asks you for the keys to the classroom you are pulling out Diapers, wipes, toy cars, baby lotion, bouncy balls, rocks, etc. but no keys because your two year old daughter decided that she needed to steal them to lock every door in the house and use those particular keys because mommy never lets her touch them. (Side note: Let me tell you how utterly annoying it is when you get home and you have to pee so badly and you finally unlock your front door, which apparently takes ten minutes because you are shaking and bouncing so hard, and run to the bathroom only to find out that every freaking bathroom door in the house is locked because your kiddo decided to play lock up. Yeah NOT a good day!)

3) You get home from work and your husband points out that you had a wipe stuck to your butt and you cannot figure out the physics of how the heck it stayed on so long. 

4) You are cleaning up and you find crayons all over the floor, in the tupperware drawer, in the laundry basket, in your underwear drawer, and in the dish washer.

5) Your purse has grown at least 10x's in size 

6) You have cereal or oatmeal in your hair

7) Your house only gets clean 10 minutes before company shows up, other than that it looks like a tornado ran through it after the hurricane hit it. 

8) You wake up and you realize that the thing that was poking you all night was a plastic toy car, a teddy bear, a wooden block, and your child's favorite baby doll that looks like Chucky

9) You now eat candy bars, ice cream, and Twinkies in secrecy because you don't want to share

10) You have now adopted all of your mom sayings that you swore that you would NEVER say in your life like "Because I said so." or "I have told you once I have told you a thousand times."

11) You have said things before that you thought you would never have to tell another human being such as "Stop licking the electrical sockets." Check out this other post for those sayings: Things I thought I'd never have to tell another human being

12) You don't remember the last time you went to the movies

13) You have had to clean poop off the walls, the bed, clothing, the tub, and out of your hair. (The hair is the worst because you smell it all day long!)

14) You can say all the nice things you want, but the second you swear you now have a two year old following you around repeating that cuss word every 5 seconds.

15) You have shown up to night school smelling of carpet cleaner and Top Roman. (This one happened today)

I think it's fair to say that some of these things might hint that you have a child. If you find out that you are experiencing these things and you do not have a 2 foot terrorist living with you, you might want to get checked out by a doctor. Just sayin'. ;)