Sunday, April 21, 2013

Yup it's the birth canal's fault you hate moving.

I've come to the conclusion why people love and hate moving!!! Ok so hear me out, it might sound crazy at first but....well there is no but it just might sound crazy. But after this discovery I'm so going on one of those psychologist magazine front covers (if there is such a thing).

So I was thinking about why I hate moving so much and I came up with the conclusion, it's because I had a crappy time going through the birth canal! Isn't that an amazing find! (I know I'm a genius)

Think about it, it's your first home that you ever left.  I mean, you're just sittin' there, minding your own business hoping that whatever is feeding you doesn't send down jalapenos again (cause you're just going to shove that right back out yo.)  So you're chillin out in your warm, comfy home probably thinking about hanging up that picture on the second rib over there, next to your punching bag on that first rib. when suddenly you start to feel your walls caving in on you! AHHHH!!! Earth quake!!!! Duck and cover!!! Hold on to something! There's nothing to hold on to!!!! The walls are closing in on you, suffocating you! You have no where to go! When suddenly in the darkness you see a light.  You have never seen anything like this before.  It's so bright, but scary.  You try to turn back, try to get home, but you can't.  The pressure is pushing you towards the bright hole. You try to scream but you can't; there is fluid in your mouth that doesn't allow it.  Your new skull is crushing in all around you.  The pain is so strong.  Right when you think there is nothing left for you, it's all over, all hope is gone, you feel something cold touch your head.  The brightness burns into your eyelids. This does not help your huge headache that you now have. You notice that you're not the only one in the room, that's when you start screaming.  Twenty foot monsters are grabbing you and turning you around.  You look around and see some shiny sharp things that are moving towards your food rope.  You try screaming "What the heck are you doing with those?".  But no one can understand you.  Then your food line is gone, cut, lost forever.  So now you have been kicked out unwillingly from your first home, you are cold, blind, have a huge headache, and your food supply has been cut off. Psh and your mom thought she had it bad.

See that's why you hate moving because your subconscious remembers this horrible experience but your prefrontal lobe does not.  So when you start to move, or even think about moving, your subconscious tries to relay this experience but for some reason it gets lost in translation so your mind only understands that you hate moving but you don't know why.  And because you don't know why you start to come up with excuses like "I hate packing" or "I'll miss my friends".  But really it's because you had a sucky time going through that birth canal.

And the people who love moving must have had a rockin time going through that canal.  They must have thought it was a slip-in-slide.

And those of you who went through a c-section, you didn't have as much of a tragedy to go through but you still hated moving from your first home (or you loved it depending if you like moving).

See I'm a freaking genius!!!! Yeah I'm totally going to be on the front cover of "Psychologists Today"!!!! So next time your mom complains that she carried you for nine months you can say "Well yeah?! You're the reason I hate moving!!!" :)

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