So my life isn't all fun and games. I have some pretty bad depression. They say it comes from the bipolar, but I really know that aliens implanted a chip in my brain and they are slowly trying to control my thoughts and emotions. So ya better watch out because I'm gonna go all robotic alien on all ya'll some time! You know what would be awesome?! When I do become a robotic alien I think the aliens should let me morph into a giant unicorn with bat like wings and have a dragons tongue to whip people with! That would be Awesome!!! Anyway, my therapist says that I should look for different ways to help with my depression. So here are a few things that I have tried:
1) I really don't like talking to people about my depression so I came up with a solution! I made a secondary personal email that is nicknamed "My Therapist".
So here is the break down: Your primary email is you as the client, and your secondary email is you as the therapist.
Here is my example: So I write this email to my secondary "therapist" email and it goes something like:
"Gah I hate my life! It all started with the Giraffe at the zoo! It hates me!! I'm such a doofus! I can't believe I wore matching socks today!" *Send*
Now it is my job to go into that secondary email and answer back the way I think my therapist would answer:
"Burn the Giraffe! Eat your socks! Run through Poison Ivy and hug your sister!!!" Mwahahahaha!!!
Ok that's not really how my real therapist would answer it. He'd probably say something like:
"The Giraffe hates everyone, it burped in my face too. Megan you are awesome and my most favorite client because you have so much *cough Craziness cough* I mean awesomeness that it helps my company." Yup I'm pretty positive he'd say that ;)
Some days this works, but unfortunately, it does not work all the time. So I have to resort to plan B.
2) Read a Dr. Seuss book as fast as humanly possible ten times in a row. This sometimes works as a distraction, other times it can piss you off (but at least your not depressed, you're just pissed, see happy point for you!)
Now this can have some side effects; like feeling the urge to rhyme all day. Also, if you find that do not know what you are talking about, you may have the urge to just make up words that don't exist in any dictionary, in any language, and try to pass it off hoping that no one noticed your bull crap.
If you experience these side effects do NOT call your doctor. Instead grab a pen and paper and write a couple of books and make millions like Dr Seuss!
3) Build a slide down your stairs and run into your wall as hard as you can. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea Learn from my mistake...always, and I mean always, send your husband down first! ;)
4) So you're driving and you want to drive off that cliff? BAM! Your car suddenly becomes a spaceship shooting all of the other cars down while you're going at warp speed!!! No one can catch you now! No one!!! Trust me it helps when you have a second person with you. That way you can have someone handling the back door laser guns to blast those that try to pass you.
5) Life sucks, and so does a vacuum. I'm depressed and I really don't want to get my butt off the couch, but I really need to clean. *bleh* *GASP* What is this sitting next to me?! A vacuum?!! Hmmm...I don't want to move, I have a vacuum with a hose extension next to me, and a laundry basket on the other side of me. I can make this work.
First thing I do: Turn on the vacuum, attach the hose extension, and put my mouth over the wiped down top and OUCH!!!! Don't do it! That right there is a new kind of pain. It killed my nose and ears from inside my mouth! Apparently you cannot vacuum out depression from your mouth.
Second thing I do: Turn on the vacuum, attach the hose extension, and suck up the soccer ball that's 4 feet away, and plop it into the laundry basket. Now I have cleaned 4 feet of clean carpet in front of me and I feel like I have accomplished something. Notice: This also works well for pure laziness ;)
Will I still be depressed after trying some of these? Eh, probably, but I tried and in some cases I even cracked a smile. Heaven forbid I actually find happiness ;).
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