Sunday, November 3, 2013

I've just been played by a two year old

Being a new parent I have learned a lot from my two year old. For instance, keep covers over the electrical sockets because apparently they are fun to lick.  Don't leave a two year old alone with dog poop, bad things happen. I don't buy duct tape anymore because I'm fairly positive my child will try to use it on me while I'm sleeping and start a robot army to take over the world. I have also found that she can outsmart me. I am 24 years old. I have completed high school and have gone to college. I am smart (at least I like to think so, others might disagree) but nothing in life has prepared me on how to out think a two year old.

Let me give you an example. I recently (and by recently I mean like 2 months ago) posted about The Rabbit, which I later found out was a frog. Well Kiara is still convinced that it is a green rabbit, and I want to convince her it's a frog because...well...it's a frog. This is our conversation while driving past it:
Kiara: Look Mommy! Green rabbit!!!!
Me: No that's a frog
Kiara: No, it's a rabbit
Me: *Not about to back down this time* No, sweetie, it's a frog
Kiara: No, it's a rabbit.
Me: No, it's a frog
Most people probably would have given up by now, but I am not about to give in. So this goes on for about 7 minutes because neither one of us is about to give up and admit the other person is right (Kiara gets it from her father ;) ) then she says:
Kiara: No, it's a puppy!
Me: No, it's a rabbit!....Wait...Dang it!!!
Kiara: *huge smile* Yeah, it's a rabbit.
Me: *hitting my head on the steering wheel while at the stop sign*

I just got played by a two year old. I'd like to say that this was my first time but the kid has been playing me since day one. I always thought that being a parent meant being in charge and being in control of everything. Apparently, I was WAY off the mark on that one. Now being a parent means, just don't let the kiddo die or get hurt, and sleep with one eye open just in case she finds the duct tape.

I am pretty good at arguments. If I have something that I am passionate about, I will not give up and I will get my point across. With  two year old, all arguments seem invalid. I don't even know how she does it. I will be trying to get her into bed and I'll start arguing with her to get into pajamas, then the next thing I know we are watching another episode of Dragon Tales. It's not until half way through the episode I think "What the...?...Wait a minute!" I don't even know how she does it!

It has been potty training time all year with Kiara. She is the most independent child I know. She will only do things on her own time. I like that quality sometimes, but not while potty training. All I want is for her to go to the toilet and get rid of the diapers, every parent knows that excited feeling they get when they know they wont have to change another dirty diaper. Apparently Kiara doesn't want me to have this feeling because she will only go when she wants to go. If I want her to go she will kick, scream, run away, hide, and act as though there is a monster in the toilet. So this has been a bit frustrating and tedious, but I figure she'll learn eventually....right?...please say yes. Anyway every time she says she has to go to the bathroom we get excited and praise her for being a big girl. She has now found the perfect way to stall before bed time. After we read her a story and put her to bed Chris and I will go down stairs and watch a movie or something when 30 minutes later we hear "Mommy! I need to go potty!" YAY!!! She's going to use the toilet!! So I run up the stairs hurry and strip her down and put her on the potty and wait...and wait...and wait...This whole time Kiara is happy and laughing but she's secretly thinking "hahahaha!!! I've got you now! hahahaha! This is the perfect way to stay up!" This is where she gets even smarter. About 50% of the time she actually goes potty! She's playing me like a fiddle because she knows if she doesn't go potty then I'll stop coming up, but if she continues to do this "sometimes" thing then she'll get to stay up later. Just so you know she only goes potty at night, she says nothing during the day time. She's a clever one.

She even has me beat when it comes to eating. I'll ask her what she wants to eat and I'll say something like "Do you want pasta?" She'll respond to "No, my tummy hurts." At first I was a sucker and would say "Oh I'm sorry what would make it feel better?" Then she'll look around the fridge like she's deciding, then she'll casually wander to the pantry and pull out the marshmallow cereal and say "This will help."

Let me give you one more example that just happened today. Kiara and I were sitting on the couch watching Winnie the Pooh when Kiara decided to go into the kitchen. I'm not worried because there's nothing she can get into. Well I hear some chairs moving around and this sparks up my interests, so I get up to see what she's doing. I'm observing her through the doorway as she moves a chair from the table to the counter top with a spoon in her hand. When she gets to the counter top she climbs on top of the chair and grabs the peanut butter jar that was there. This is our conversation:
Me: No Kiara, you can't have peanut butter.
Kiara: No mommy, go rest.
Me: No, I don't need to rest
Kiara: Yeah you need to rest. Go to couch and rest.
Me: Honey I think I rested too much
Kiara: No you need to go rest and sleep.
Me: *actually feeling tired and yawning* I think you're right I'll go rest
...What the....?....I'm blaming this on the fact that it was 7 in the freaking morning. So I have her come back to the living room with me and I must have dozed off for a bit because I heard her back in the kitchen. From the couch I yell:
Me: What are you doing?
Kiara: Go back to sleep mommy
Me: I don't think so
Kiara: You need to rest
I get up and go into the kitchen and there she is with an open jar of peanut butter and shoveling it into her mouth as fast as she could with her spoon.

If this is already happening at two, I'm afraid of what is in store for the future! I don't even want to think about those teenage years! I'm in soooo much trouble. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment