What? I don't understand...Oh NOW I get it!!!!

There are some things that I have never understood, and when I don't understand something my brain needs to make up an explanation. Let me give you some examples of things that I have learned from my own brain :) If you actually read this I will be very impressed because you are actually getting a piece of what really goes on inside my head...it tends to scare most people. :)

I now understand why Greeks break their dishes at parties. Here's how I think it went down. There was once a Greek couple and the woman sent the man to the store to buy some paper plates. The man went to the store and came home 5 minutes before the party and brought home some drinks, lamb, potatoes, but no plates. Well now it was too late to run back to the store so the woman had no choice but to use her porcelain plates, she was upset about this because she did not have a dishwasher. As the party went on there were a lot more people who showed up than expected and before she knew it all of her one hundred plates were used up. Upon seeing how many dishes were being used the woman became furious at her husband because who was going to have to wash all of these dishes?! Not her husband that's for sure. So out of anger she threw a plate at her husband nearly missing his head and it shattered against the wall, and everyone thought it was the greatest thing and all started to throw their plates on the floor. And that is how it all started.

I now understand why we believe the Easter bunny hides eggs. See there was once a bunny who was madly in love with a hen named Penny (apparently all hens are named Penny). The Easter bunny started to send her cards and love letters and Penny flirted back, but Penny was a two timing chicken and lusted after the Rooster named Henry (I don't know why he was named Henry). One day while the Easter bunny was hopping around he saw Penny hurry around a bush and he decided to follow her. To his surprise there was Penny with Henry! The Easter bunny was furious and of course he tried to beat up Henry! Well as we all know roosters are scary as heck when they get mad and so Henry obviously won the fight. The Easter bunny was filled with so much anger and resentment that he decided that he would get revenge. Later on Penny and Henry got married and had some eggs. The Easter bunny heard the news and got really excited because he knew the perfect way to get his revenge. He stole all of Penny's eggs and started hiding them. The last egg he hid was next to a house filled with children. The Easter bunny thought he was being sneaky but in the bushes there were some children who were going to capture him! When the Easter bunny pulled out the egg all of the children were speechless and frozen in their tracks. A bunny just pulled an egg out and hid it...WHAT THE?!!!...So the kids immediately ran to get there mom who also saw this and just then the Easter bunny turned and saw that he was caught and ran away as fast as he could! Now you're wondering how does Jesus tie into all of this huh? Well apparently the family was starving and had no food and the mom just finished a prayer when the children came and got her. So BAM! Bunny, eggs, Jesus. It makes complete sense now doesn't it!

What about Santa Claus? Why does he come through the chiminey? Well that is easy my friends. One night around midnight there was a man named Morfus (I don't know if this is his real name but we'll just call him Morfus for now). Morfus was a thief and a good one at that. On this particular night he was walking through a rich neighborhood, you know those kinds of neighborhoods where everything is gated and the houses are so big that there are 100 rooms and 210 bathrooms for a family of 4, it was one of those neighborhoods. Anyway, Morfus was wandering around when he came upon the biggest house he'd ever seen in his life! He didn't want to trigger any alarms so he went up the roof and came down the chimney. While he was looking around he noticed that this house was just like Wal-mart! It had EVERYTHING!!! There were so many things that Morfus was certain the owners didn't know they had most of this stuff. So he started to load up his bag until it couldn't close anymore. Well Morfus being a curious fellow decided to walk around for a bit and take a gander at things. He stopped and looked at some pictures that were hanging on the wall, they were obviously the family that lived here. He noticed a little boy and girl playing, and a mom and dad laughing. As he started to head for the chimney he heard a man say "FREEZE!" and he froze (That is one magical word by the way. I don't know of one person who hasn't frozen at that word...Mystery solved with why police say "freeze"!!!) Morfus turned around and stared at a man in his pajamas and recognized him from the pictures. "Who are you?!" the man said and Morfus thinking quickly said "Oh I'm Santa Claus! I come bearing gifts for children". The man looked at him curiously and said "Okay, say I bought into this lie, how many kids do I have." Morfus smiled and said "Two a boy and a girl." Stunned the man asked "What are their names?" Uh-oh Morfus didn't know their names! He started to sweat but he had no other choice so he guessed the most common names he could think of "Jack and Jill." The man was amazed and shouted "Oh my gosh you are Santa!" So Morfus took the bag and gave the man some of the stuff he'd stolen and told him to give them to the children when they awoke. Then Morfus hurried and ran up the chimney as quickly as he could. When Morfus came to the top he was covered in black soot and that is also why burglars now wear black (I think they used to wear hot pink). :)

(I posted this on Facebook earlier, but I felt it deserved a spot in my blog) I have decided that the person who first put up a plate on a wall was a guy. He didn't do it for decoration it was his emergency plate so when he didn't want to do dishes he had one extra before he started eating off the floor. Then a woman he was dating walked in and deemed it as a decoration. So when you keep a couple of plates on your wall you now know it's not for decoration it's to use so you don't have to wash your dishes that day. So the next time you walk into my house you will find every wall lined with plates.

Anyway, that is how my brain works. It has to make sense of everything. Right now it's trying to make sense of why you read this very long and excruciatingly absurd post?! OH now it makes sense I'm just awesome and you love me....or you escaped out of the loony bin and are stalking me waiting for my next move so you can send your zombies to eat me!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! :) In my head this was really awesome because I was kicking zombie butt!!! Just so you so know I'm a ninja when it comes to zombies. BOO YA TO ME!!!