"Insert Brain Here"

I swear I have the early ages of Alzheimer's Disease. I can never remember anything anymore. I will put something down for 2 seconds and literally forget where I put it. Sometimes I don't even realize that I never put it down and that I am holding it! A couple months ago I was in school and I started freaking out because I could not find my text book. I looked everywhere, ok I looked in the only two places it could be, my desk and my back pack. So I turned around to ask another student if I could borrow their book and they said "You know you're holding your own book right?"

Things like that happen ALL the time. Names are the worst. I know names are a common thing that most people forget, but I am horrible at it, I mean horrible! If I haven't talked with you for 2 years everyday, there is no way I'm going to remember your name, just letting you know. It took me at least 6 months to remember my husband's last name.

Then there are three things that I ALWAYS forget. No matter how hard I try to remember I can never remember where I put them. Those things are my:

1. Keys
2. Shoes
3. Purse

I was going out with my mom and sisters to a church event (it had free food that's why I went). I got ready, drove to my mom's house to meet my sisters there, talked for a half an hour, then left to go to the church. It wasn't until we had gotten out of the car and heading into the church that my sister turns to me and says "Megan, where are your shoes?" DOH!

At least I had on pants! Although, there was that time I almost left the house with my pants on backwards but luckily when I stepped outside and put my hands in my pocket to get my keys I realized what I had done.  Sadly that is a true story, and I have no idea why I told you that.

The other day I had to change Kiara's pull up because she peed in it again. We were just leaving for Grandma's house and I figured I would take everything out all at once while I threw this pull up away in the outside garbage. So while I was taking the pull up to the garbage I was also holding Kiara, her blanket, her doll, her puppy, her shoes, her diaper bag, my purse, my keys, and the pull up. When I reached the door, I realized that I did not have enough hands. So what do most mom's do in this situation? They put one of the things in their mouth and uses their now free hand to open the door (at least that's what I think most mom's do...). Well without thinking about what was in my hand, I unconsciously put the peed in pull up in my mouth and opened the door. Yeah you can probably guess what happened next when my brain kicked in shouting "NO!! BAD MEGAN BAD!!! SPIT THAT OUT!!!"  Yup. Everything (except for Kiara, thank heavens she had a tight grip on me) everywhere all over the garage, and now I am drinking hand sanitizer to sanitize my mouth. (FYI: Just because hand sanitizer smells like blueberries does not mean it tastes like blueberries! Also, it makes your lips and tongue go numb).

Seriously, I have no idea how I have lived so long. I am surprised that I even remember how to breathe some days. I just think that my brain gets bored and is like "Hmmm...Jamaica sounds like a great place to visit! Let's go! Oh wait I'm having a fight with Body, and I really don't want her to come. I KNOW! I'll just leave and then I'll come back. Oh wait what about memory?! I can't have a memory of going to Jamaica without Body or Body will hate me forever! I KNOW!! I'll get so drunk I can't have a memory and I won't remember anything when I come back!!! How will I cover up my hang over?! I KNOW!!! I'll make Body nauseated for no reason and make her think that she has a flu bug and my headache is a symptom of the flu!!!  I'M A GENIUS!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Wow apparently my brain is an elaborate planner...At least that explains why I have been so nauseous this past year.