DIY Gods Hate Me, and I Need a Life

Ugh! Okay I call BS on the next Do It Yourself thing that pops up on Facebook or Pinterest because apparently the DIY Gods hate me.

First it was the baking soda with Hydrogen peroxide on the pan. Ya'll know that one right?

I made the paste, I waited an hour and nothing. So I did it again and waited all night. Nothing. So I left it for the entire next day and nothing. 48 freaking hours later and still nothing. I took the paste and I scrubbed and scrubbed and again nothing. I gave up and decided it would be best to spend the 10 bucks and get a new pan.

Ya'll know the Rapunzel hair fabric softener thing that has been popping up all around Facebook right?

B freaking S.

I spent 3 hours, yes, 3 hours on that Rapunzel fabric softener hair thing. Did it work? Of course not, because the DIY Gods hate me.

I followed the instructions and did 2 Table spoons of fabric softener and the rest water. Nothing. Then I looked up on the internet and found that I had to do 50-50 fabric softener and water and spray Rapunzel until it was soaked. Okay easy enough. Did it work? Nope.

I brushed and nothing. I brushed and nothing. I brushed again and nothing.

Finally I did what I had to do.

Okay so I didn't burn the sucker, but it was a great idea.

I grabbed a huge pot, filled half with water and half with fabric softener and let Rapunzel just sit there and soak leaving her to think about what she was doing to me. After about 30 minutes I got her out and started brushing her hair again. Did it work? You guessed it, nope! No freaking no!I brushed and brushed and brushed and nearly pulled out half of her hair and nothing.

The gloves are off. Time to get my chemistry set!

Chemistry, witchcraft.....same thing right?

I put Rapunzel back in the Softener bath and grabbed my Downy wrinkle free solution, Kiara's Suave De-tangler bottle, the blow dryer and the iron. Just to make certain I was thorough, I sprayed that doll for about 15 minutes. I brushed her hair for about another 15 minutes then sprayed for another 15 minutes and brushed again. FINALLY half of her hair was smooth. So after an hour of this I finally got her hair completely smooth. But then I realized another problem. Her hair was still super curly and curly hair means it will get tangled again the second I let Kiara play with it and all this work would be thrown down the drain. Sooooo....I decided to straighten it. After I dried the hair I decided to iron it. Well....apparently Rapunzel's hair is plastic, and plastic and a hot iron do not mix. Luckily it wasn't too bad, I just told Kiara Rapunzel now has split ends :) See easy fix.
And now look at the beautifulness!!!

Yes Jake, yes it is.

Granted the hair is so oily that if there was a flame within 50 yards of it, it would burn faster than dry grass in July. But it worked!! :) My life is now complete.

Just so you know this entire post was just to let you know that I need a life. I spent 3 hours brushing a doll's hair. Three hours!!!

GE just wants to watch the world burn

Okay so ya'll know how much I love to fix things, and how awesome I am at fixing things. For those of you who don't know, I fix things with duct tape and/or a hammer. Here are some blog posts about me "fixing" things:
fixing my couch
I Can Fix It!!!

Yeah...I have this belief that I am just like my daddy and can fix anything, but in reality I'm more like my mom and have my mother's creative thoughts and lack of patience. That right there is a very, very bad mix.

So here is the problem. For the last couple of weeks every time I filled my cup with water or ice I noticed that it smelt like I had washed my cup with a dead fish that apparently died 3 years ago. It was so bad every time I took a sip of water I wanted to puke out my guts.

Well after having a REALLY REALLY AND I MEAN REALLY BAD DAY I decided to do something about this fishy smell.

A picture of my bad day. Okay...maybe this is a bit dramatic, but you get the point. It was a BAD day.

Fair warning after having a bad day like this kind of bad day DO NOT FIX THINGS because if you try to fix things it will only get worse....oh so much worse! You have been warned.

This is how it all started: After venting to my husband over the phone and driving home, I tell him that I am going to take a nap. Before taking a nap I decided to get a drink of water and then I smelt the dead fish of three years smell and after dry heaving several times, I decided that I would fix this once and for all. Needless to say I never got my nap. After spending about 30 minutes on the internet researching "fish smell from dish washer" and watching a couple of DIY Youtube videos on how do fix the "fish smell" I became a certified plumber and electrician.

First rule of fixing your dish washer: Not all dishwashers are the same. Check which brand you have, I did not do this. All of the Youtube videos I watched were all about Whirlpool dishwashers. Mine is a GE dishwasher. Just because they can clean the same dishes does not mean that they are the same. This was my first mistake.

Well they are both dishwashers how different could they possibly be?.....stupid past Megan! Future Megan hates you.

First was the washer trap. This is also known as the $#!@$%^*()%# trap. The video made it seem so simple....liars. The one in the Whirlpool seemed very easy to get to. Let me tell ya about the GE one. I have decided that the people who invented the GE trap must have been midgets with really long monkey arms, because they are the only people who could possibly reach all the way back there, bend their arm in a shape that God did not intend arms to make, and not hit their head on the dish rack every 3 seconds. After I found where the trap was, I noticed that the screws are not regular star or flat head shaped screws they are the "I don't know what they heck they are called screws and who the heck invented this screw" screw. Really GE? Really?!

Here is a picture of the "I don't know what they heck they are called screws and who the heck invented this screw" screw. Yeah I'm going to hear it from my dad "What you don't know what kind of screw this is?! And to think, I called you daughter!" Okay...so major dramatization, but in my head I'm hilarious.

So now I have to find the screw driver with the holy thingy that I've seen Chris and my dad use a few times.

You know....this screw driver holy thingy
....yeah you can already see where this is going can't you?

Apparently there are like a MILLION of those holy thingy adapters and not a single one of them fit. And apparently these adapters come in normal sizes AND metric sizes....Seriously people we are NOT in Canada here. So after about thirty of the most frustrating minutes of trying all of the American sizes I gave a big sigh and said "what the heck? why not try the Canadian ones?" So I tried a Canadian size and guess what? The weird size worked. Those Canadians have something going for them....shhh don't tell my family I said that, especially my brother in law ;) Kidding I love Canada It's like North Montana. ;) Anyway....back to the story.

So after trying to figure out how to work this holy screw driver and unscrew a not holy screw in a small place that only midgets could get into, I finally get the trap unscrewed and I am so happy. BOO YA TO ME!!!! SUCKARS AT GE TAKE THAT!!!  The happiness that I felt literally almost exploded out of my heart and soul at that very moment. I cannot tell you how happy I was when I finally got it unscrewed. 

Yes. I was Sponge Bob happy. YAY ME!!!

 But then GE people decided they wanted to watch the world burn instead. Because when I tried to move the trap APPARENTLY some idiot decided that the trap should also be screwed into the twirly thing at the bottom of the washer. And the "I don't know what they heck they are called screws and who the heck invented this screw" screw was in a spot that I now call the "GE people say F#$% you" spot. Remember how I said I was having a bad day already? Well once you experience so much happiness and then have it all ripped away from you within 1 minutes time let's just say an explosion of hell's fury came out of my mouth.

#3 is the twirly thing #4 is the $#%%^%$##$$^((^ trap

(OH MY GOSH RANDOM TANGENT BUT THE SATAN CAT IS BACK AT MY BACK DOOR!!! A few years ago there was this black cat that used to sit at my back sliding glass door and it had red eyes and it would only show up after midnight. Well it is 12:10 AM and IT'S BACK!! Scared the living crap out of me because I'm right next to my back door and it started moving and I almost screamed (I know better than to scream and wake up my 4 year old daughter...it better be something more than a cat to make me wake her up at this hour)) Anyway....back to the story...

So after I come to the realization that there is no way that I am taking off this trap and I was like "maybe GE never wanted me to take it off in the first place. There must be another place where this smell is coming from." Well a few years back our jetdry dispenser started having some red stuff coming out of it and it hit me harder than a bag of bricks that is where the smell was coming from! (yeah I probably should have cleaned this out a lot sooner maybe 2 or 3 years sooner...)

So with me being a "certified" electrician I decided that I would take off the front cover of my dishwasher and see if I could remove the jetdry dispenser.  So I looked up some more Youtube videos on how to do this. Again I could only find Whirlpool videos (okay Whirlpool if there are that many videos on how to repair your dishwasher that is not a good sign...just sayin'). Again GE and Whirlpool are not the same. 

Fun fact about GE, apparently they spring load their front cover so when you take out all of the screws and push down the cover it will automatically pop back up and smack you in the face. Reason number 2 to believe that GE people just want to watch the world burn. 

While I am strategically holding down the spring loaded cover so it does not hit me in the face again,  I find the jetdry dispenser and try to figure out how to remove it. It is only being held by one metal bar, how hard could it possibly be to take it off? Answer? HARD. I broke some plasticy thingy that I'm sure was just an "extra" piece that didn't need to be there. At least that's what I told Chris :) 

So my jetdry dispenser looks something like this... only imagine that the red stuff is EVERYWHERE and protruding out of the top with a putrid smell. But it was not a fishy putrid smell...It was more of a rotting putrid smell, but it was still bad.

Some guy's picture of his GE jet dry dispenser. How the flip did he get his off?!!!

   After I broke of the plastic thing I realize that my jetdry dispenser is glued onto my washer. I mean this was like super-de-duper-de-duper-super-glue glue. Reason number 3 to believe GE just wants to watch the world burn. By now I was beyond lividly pissed off. I just wanted to call up GE and curse at them for inventing the most stupidest machine you will ever buy! I just wanted to burn everything. Revenge was all I could think of at this point. So I threw back up the spring loaded cover, cursing every possible word that I could think of and I started to screw it back into place when I realized that apparently that plastic thingy that I was sure was an extra piece that fell off, really was important. Oh the fury that filled my soul. "Flames, flames on the sides of my face" (Clue reference :) gotta love that movie!) So I get the stupid plastic thing, I slam it into place, I slam the door back into place, and I screw it back on. Everything is red to me at this point. Vinegar didn't work, removing the trap didn't work, figuring out how to remove the jetdry dispenser didn't work. I was going to burn this sucker. I didn't know what else to do. So I decided that I would flush it out through the tiny little hole with baking soda and vinegar. 

First rule when doing this: Put in the baking soda first....sigh....yeah....I put in the vinegar first and when you put in the baking soda right after it just doesn't work to get out that red stuff. 

Chris finally ripped me away from the dishwasher saying something about me acting all crazy and stuff.

For days I tried to flush out the jetdry dispenser and rinse it out through the dishwasher without the lid on. Then one day, while I was getting a drink the thought occurred to me "What if it's not the dishwasher...what if it is the water and ice that smells like 3 year old dead fish?" So I got a plastic cup that never touched my dishwasher and I got a cup of ice water, and guess what?....Yup it is the ice and water that is giving off that putrid 3 year old dead fish smell. Guess who's gonna "fix" the fridge next?!!!

Statistics+Me=All Hell Breaks Loose

Okay so at work I was asked to convert a butt-load of numbers and charts into statistical figures. I HATE statistics. I cannot tell you enough how much I hate statistics. I think statistics is Satan's way of putting Hell on earth. Me and statistics do not mix. Got it? Good.

Pointless back story:
I took a statistics class and I did not understand a lick of what was going on. At the end of the semester I took the 200 problem final and I knew that I at least got 10 questions correct and 5 of those questions just said "Mark the answer D". I some how, with the blessings from God, the Universe, Leprechauns, and every magical being, got a B in that class. I have no idea how I passed because I don't even know how to multiply fractions!

Present Story:
My boss comes to me and this is what she actually says "Megan, I need you to go over the last three years through all of our pass rates, test dates, completion dates, job and school placement rates, and survey outcomes and convert them all into statistical figures so that I can put them in our self study."

This is what I heard her say "Megan, I need you to suffer unbearable pain and torture!!! Also, I HATE YOU!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AND IF YOU DON'T DO THIS I WILL FIRE YOU!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

This is what my boss looks like in my head at this moment

I am freaking out a little bit because I don't want to be fired and I also don't know how to do statistics. But I decided that I'm going to do my best. I will not fail!! I was so determined to be awesome, but after 10 minutes of copying and pasting 3 years worth of numbers this became my face:

Must. Keep. Going. Numbers! So many numbers!!! 1, 456, 789, 2, 489, 789, 5, 7, 4, 25, 789, 56, 8, 1, 5, 6, 8, 7897, 49. Why are there so many numbers?!!! 

3 days later of non stop statsistacalizing, I finally I get all of the numbers on one page and now I have to convert them over to a formula. But which statistic formula and graph should I use?!!! 

Best chart ever!

After playing around for hours I was finally able to convert all of the numbers and find the averages, means, and figure out all of the statistical stuff that I needed to do. Then I handed all of the statistics into my boss:
Boss: "Umm...what is this?"
Me: "This is all of the statistics for the last three years, and a little bit of my dead soul."
Boss: "This is not what I'm looking for. What I am looking for is....(I have no idea what she said because I was suppressing tears of blood that were filling up in my eyes)....Got it?"
Me, replying with my "it's not a big deal" voice: "psh, yeah I gots this!"
In reality I was really thinking " DID YOU JUST SPEAK LATIN TO ME?! WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND.!!!!!!!! KILL ME! KILL ME NOW!!!"

*Sigh* Time to put my geek glasses back on and pretend I know what I'm doing...

If I had geek glasses these would be them. And don't they look adorable on this cute little puppy?! Awwwwe!

As I am staring at my computer and thinking about all the different ways my boss is going to fire me, an epiphany hit me...GOOGLE! So I Googled how to do these statistics, and which formula would be best. I actually typed in "How to do statistics from hell" and I think Google laughed at me.  Well, that was a bust, not even Google knew what to do.

So after 3 more days of contemplation and compilation of numbers, percentages, decimals, imaginary numbers, derivatives, and such. I finally had it all figured out.
I fixed up my excel spread sheet and made it all nice and pretty. It was so beautiful I just about cried.

I proudly marched into my boss's office and slammed my chart on her desk and said "Boo ya to me! Here are those stupid statistics, and they are B-E-A-U-TIFUL!!!"  after just glancing at them, not even really looking at them she sighs and says: " Megan, you're making this too complicated. All I need are the numbers converted into percentages."
Me: "Wait....all you want me to do is divide this number by this other number, and that's it?"
My boss: "Yes."
Me Screaming in my head: "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!!!!"

First reaction

Second reaction

I go back to my desk, pull up the excel spread sheet, highlight all the numbers and click the button that converts them all into percentages. 3 seconds tops. And turned it in.

 

We had a miscarriage (warning this is a personal post)

Heads up: If you would like a funny post I would suggest a different post.
Okay so first thing I have to mention is that I really don't want any condolences because I hate feeling vulnerable and this is a really vulnerable post for me, and condolences just make it too real for me and it reminds me that I was vulnerable to the world.
So I came out with a post stating that we were pregnant, but unfortunately, we lost the baby. We went in to have an ultra sound done, and found out that the baby's heart stopped beating at around 9.5 weeks. We just had the D&C surgery yesterday, which I totally advise every woman to do if you have any doubts about doing it naturally.
To any mom out there who had a miscarriage I send my deepest sympathies. This is one of the hardest trials that I have had to go through. As a mom all the thoughts keep popping into your head such as "Could I have done anything to prevent it?" or "Is it my fault the baby didn't make it?" I can't tell you how much research I have done about miscarriages and I've found that it isn't my fault and that miscarriages just happen. Even though I have that knowledge, in the back of my head I still keep thinking "Could I have done anything?"
I've tried looking at the pro's and con's about a miscarriage and there is absolutely no comparing when you've lost a child. But there is one happy thought that I get to keep. Chris and I have a strong belief in the after life and we know that we will see our baby again. I know that they will be watching over us and that we will be reunited one day. That is a comfort that helps beyond anything else, and it makes me happy to know that I have another one waiting for me.
Chris and I are still optimistic about the future, and about having more kids. It's a hard trial, but we've been able to come to terms with it and feel blessed having been through this.
Thank you to all of our family and friends who have helped out so far. We really feel your love and are grateful for each and everyone of you.