This Is What Happened After I Turned 25

Yeah I know, I have totally been sucking it up on my blog. But let me tell you about my 25th birthday.
I just had my 25th birthday, and as a joke someone said "This is where your body falls apart." Little did they know that their joke was not a joke but it was the truth! I turned 25 years old and my body just fell apart! I mean literally FELL apart!! I don't know what happened, one minute I'm young and hot and the next I'm trying to scoop up my falling body parts and try blindly to put them back on. Let me tell you how it all started.
The day after my birthday I woke up feeling like my back was stabbed by a unicorn several times. My arms and legs hurt and my body was so sore. It was as though I had been hit several times in the night by a truck. Then it occurred to me that maybe my body really was falling apart, but then I thought "Nah, I just had a rough night that's all." Poor young naive past Megan. Little did I know this was just the beginning.

I actually found a picture of a person being stabbed by a unicorn!

It was three days after my birthday. I had to run to Wal-mart and pick up a few things for a party that my family was having for me. Chris decided to stay home while I went shopping and I brought along, Kiara, my three year old daughter. While I was at the store I decided to do my grocery shopping. So instead of just getting the few things I needed, I got the hundreds of things that I needed. Kiara at this point was very tired and rather ornery because she skipped her nap time. I finally finished shopping and I rushed to put all of my groceries on the check out counter and now I'm just waiting for the lady a head of me to finish paying. By now I'm frustrated because I was there longer than I thought, and I have a three year old screaming "IIIII WAAAAANT THAAAAAT!!! IIIII WAAAAANT TO GO HOOOOOME!!!! MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!"
Now ya'll have read my other post "The best pee of my life" so you know that I have a bladder of steal (can't see where this is going can ya?). While I am standing in line, wondering if it's too late for me to return my three year old to the hospital for a refund, my body decided to have fun with me. This whole time I never  had to use the bathroom. I never even had the thought that I needed to use the bathroom. Then suddenly, it happened. Without any warning what-so-ever my bladder decided it was full and it needed to release itself in the middle of Wal-mart. At first it did a little squirt.

This was my first reaction

My body immediately tensed up and froze! I could not believe I just squirted into my pants. I looked around to see if anyone noticed. Then I realized that I could not leave! I had my three year old daughter screaming and all of my groceries unloaded from my cart, and the lady in front of me just finished paying so it was now my turn to check out. I crossed my legs and just prayed that it would not show through my pants. But my bladder decided that it was not done and continued to leak more. A lot more. Now I am freaking out because I cannot stop it from coming!

What did I do to deserve this?! Did I kill a puppy in my previous life? Did I accidentally run over a witch who cursed me before she died? I could literally feel the warm "water" running down my legs. Yup, you could DEFINITELY see it through my pants. Luckily I was wearing a hoodie so I immidiately stripped it off and tied it around my waist. I mention to the check out lady who was at least 180 years old, that I was in a hurry. Finally, after what feels like a century, the checker is done and I am just about to pay when my three year old notices that my pants are wet and shouts for the whole world to hear "MOMMY!!! WHY ARE YOUR PANTS WET?! DID YOU PEE YOUR PANTS?!" in which I reply "Ummmm.....No, Mommies don't pee their pants, I just spilled some water on them." (don't judge me, some moms spill on their pants in the shape of a pee stain...right?..). I looked at the checker woman and she gave me the "look you up and down glance" and said "mmhmm", and with that I swiped my card, ripped the receipt out of the checker's hand and left.

Laugh all you want, cause Karma will come and get you!

So now I am in pain and I have no control over my bladder anymore. Could things possibly get worse? Yup. For some weird reason I hadn't been craving Coke (my favorite drink of all time, this is literally my life support) and because I hadn't been craving it I hadn't been drinking it all week. If you know me this has never happened. NEVER! So I was at work and I noticed that I was thirsty. Well I had a Coke in my desk drawer and figured I would just drink my Coke. I took one sip and almost threw up! It was the nastiest thing I have ever tasted in my life!!

This is the most devastating week of my life. I peed my pants at age 25 in Walmart. Coke is now the nastiest thing in the world. To top it off I have had heart burn, I haven't been sleeping, my mood swings are going crazy, I've had stomach cramps, headaches, an explosion of zits that took over my face, nausea, and the feeling that I am going to murder every bunny and unicorn in the universe.

At least this didn't happen to me.

So after a whole week of this my husband finally says "Hey hon, maybe you should take one of those pregnancy tests." I was like "No, there is no way I'm pregnant, I'm just having a bad week and my body is falling apart." So finally my sweet husband holds up a pregnancy pee stick and says "Hon, please try this. Pleeeaassseee." So I try it and guess what? We are having another baby! Guess you weren't expecting that, huh? Let's just hope that the beginning of this pregnancy isn't a foretelling of this baby. ;)

 

Update: I didn't want to take this post down because it is a funny way of how we found out we were pregnant, but we did end up having a miscarriage. You can read more about that on the post: We had a miscarriage warning it's not hilarious and rather a vulnerable post.